I'm sickish. I'm dizzy, my stomach is queasy and to make things even more pleasant,I just woke up (for no good reason) and can't get back to bed.

Spam is a mystery. Where do they get my name? I long ago deleted my AOL profile. Are they sucking my email from my computer? Why are they sending me ads for a 'tan-thru' bathing suit? Just how much skin cancer do you need? Who's going to see your tan ass, anyway? No tan lines = porn star.

Speaking of porn, I get 47 spams a day that claim to be a 'natural alternative to Viagra'. Who actually buys the natural alternative to anything? Once you've tasted carob (the natural alternative to chocolate)and realized it tastes like shit, doesn't that put you off natural alternatives forever? Or are there some people who eat carob and take nancy-ass herbal Viagra?

The last ad promised (yes I read it after I reported it to AOL):

Men - Powerful and longer Lasting ... you know what's!

Um, now maybe I'm missing something, but I wouldn't want my dick-hardening drugs to be that prissy. If I were an impotent male I'd want something more reassuringly masculine, like a huge cartoon of an irate penis beating up other cartoon penises with a speech bubble that said, "I was a limp noodle until I took MAXOBONE(r)! Wheee! MAXOBONE(r) makes my BIG FAT ERECTION harder than a STEEL GIRDER! My girlfriend PASSED OUT from oversexing!"

Okay, well. Maybe the 'wheee!' is over the top, but... ok I apologize to everyone who reads my journal for this subject.

Wait I think I'm tired. Wheeee!